How It All Began
I didn’t really notice him until we became classmates in our second year. He had a different circle of friends and I had mine, too. He wasn’t really the cutest in our class. He doesn’t even have that "X factor" or whatever you’d call that sort of thing, but he had a certain charm. He was, well, quite a joker, a very jolly person. He’s so full of life, energy and laughter.
The months went by and we soon became friends. And unexpectedly, he became one of my best friends. We became closer with each other and we eventually became a couple.
Crazy in Love
September – October 2008. These two months were the most intense in my life. I was passionately in love, and this was the first time I felt anything that strong. We would eat together, study together, gimmick together. My whole world literally revolved around him.
Unfortunately, I was not that old and experienced enough to handle my emotions. I began losing my friends, my grades dropped, and my family and housemates were always wondering where I was. Before long, I started getting on his nerves. I couldn’t understand it: "Why were these emotions, which had brought us together in the first place, starting to cause so much conflict and stress?"
A Not-So Happy Start
The start of the second semester kicked in and I was excited to see him again. But it was the first day of the regular class and he was absent.
Days passed without us talking much with each other. What’s worse is that there seemed to be an invisible wall built around us. He’s near, yes, but it seems he’s too far.
I tried to ask him what was going on. He answered me but that’s not what I want to hear from him. And before I knew it, I lost him.
What hurts more than the thought of losing him was the fact that it didn’t come up with an explanation. I kept trying to rationalize what went wrong. I never found out because I never mentioned it to him again. It was months before I spoke to him and that's in a civil manner.
The worst part was that we were group mates in four of our subjects. It’s been a pretty tough job for me because in a group, open communication must be present. Somehow, I and he managed to do their part of their work without talking to each other.
Single Again
For a while, I pretended I didn’t care. Instead of wallowing myself in self-pity, I kept myself busy. Before I knew it, I had my own life again. In fact, without a boyfriend, and with so much time for myself, my grades improved, I saw more of my friends, and enjoyed participating in school events and activities. But deep inside, the pain was still there.
Moving On
Now, it’s been five months since my last relationship and I’ve never had feelings for anyone since. I find some boys cute, but the fuzzy feeling isn’t there. My best bud Gilbert even asked me whether my heart is really healing or just scared to love again. That made me think.
I may still be hurting from the loss and not ready to go into another relationship again. Well, it’s not that easy, losing your boy and your best pal at the same time.
But I could make my past relationship a learning experience or a trap, but as they say healing takes time - we heal at our own pace. And I can now proudly say that I’m receiving the fruits of my effort in moving on.
To Love Again
I can always go into a relationship anytime I want but I don’t want people to think that I’m jumping into another relationship to patch up the past hurt. And if I go into a relationship out of a need to put a "band-aid" over the pain, that relationship becomes useless when the need is gone. It’s like a band-aid that becomes useless after the wound has healed. Besides, I don’t want to use any other guy just so I can forget my past relationship. It would be unfair to him. I want to ensure that when I get into a new relationship, I’m totally healed, that I’m so over my past.
So far, so good. With the help of my friends, I’m starting to be my old self again. It feels good to laugh my heart out again after all those tears and hurts.
I didn’t really notice him until we became classmates in our second year. He had a different circle of friends and I had mine, too. He wasn’t really the cutest in our class. He doesn’t even have that "X factor" or whatever you’d call that sort of thing, but he had a certain charm. He was, well, quite a joker, a very jolly person. He’s so full of life, energy and laughter.
The months went by and we soon became friends. And unexpectedly, he became one of my best friends. We became closer with each other and we eventually became a couple.
Crazy in Love
September – October 2008. These two months were the most intense in my life. I was passionately in love, and this was the first time I felt anything that strong. We would eat together, study together, gimmick together. My whole world literally revolved around him.
Unfortunately, I was not that old and experienced enough to handle my emotions. I began losing my friends, my grades dropped, and my family and housemates were always wondering where I was. Before long, I started getting on his nerves. I couldn’t understand it: "Why were these emotions, which had brought us together in the first place, starting to cause so much conflict and stress?"
A Not-So Happy Start
The start of the second semester kicked in and I was excited to see him again. But it was the first day of the regular class and he was absent.
Days passed without us talking much with each other. What’s worse is that there seemed to be an invisible wall built around us. He’s near, yes, but it seems he’s too far.
I tried to ask him what was going on. He answered me but that’s not what I want to hear from him. And before I knew it, I lost him.
What hurts more than the thought of losing him was the fact that it didn’t come up with an explanation. I kept trying to rationalize what went wrong. I never found out because I never mentioned it to him again. It was months before I spoke to him and that's in a civil manner.
The worst part was that we were group mates in four of our subjects. It’s been a pretty tough job for me because in a group, open communication must be present. Somehow, I and he managed to do their part of their work without talking to each other.
Single Again
For a while, I pretended I didn’t care. Instead of wallowing myself in self-pity, I kept myself busy. Before I knew it, I had my own life again. In fact, without a boyfriend, and with so much time for myself, my grades improved, I saw more of my friends, and enjoyed participating in school events and activities. But deep inside, the pain was still there.
Moving On
Now, it’s been five months since my last relationship and I’ve never had feelings for anyone since. I find some boys cute, but the fuzzy feeling isn’t there. My best bud Gilbert even asked me whether my heart is really healing or just scared to love again. That made me think.
I may still be hurting from the loss and not ready to go into another relationship again. Well, it’s not that easy, losing your boy and your best pal at the same time.
But I could make my past relationship a learning experience or a trap, but as they say healing takes time - we heal at our own pace. And I can now proudly say that I’m receiving the fruits of my effort in moving on.
To Love Again
I can always go into a relationship anytime I want but I don’t want people to think that I’m jumping into another relationship to patch up the past hurt. And if I go into a relationship out of a need to put a "band-aid" over the pain, that relationship becomes useless when the need is gone. It’s like a band-aid that becomes useless after the wound has healed. Besides, I don’t want to use any other guy just so I can forget my past relationship. It would be unfair to him. I want to ensure that when I get into a new relationship, I’m totally healed, that I’m so over my past.
So far, so good. With the help of my friends, I’m starting to be my old self again. It feels good to laugh my heart out again after all those tears and hurts.
Blogger's Note: It was hard to let go but I know I have to. I must accept the fact that he's gone and he's never going back. Especially now that someone already took the place in his heart that used to be mine. Enough of the wallowing. Enough of the tears. After this, you will be a closed chapter and I will be moving on to the next. So I guess this is goodbye, love..
